Archive for the ‘about me’ Category
When dreams are about to come true, if you’re like me, you start to hyperventilate – lol! If you’ve been following this blog, I’ve gone in the direction of taking hours upon hours of free webinars and teleseminars about being an entrepreneur. This led to a lot of classes on positive thinking and, dare I say, the Law of Attraction. Me and the LoA had a bad and painful break up in the past. After seeing “The Secret,” I lived and breathed the LoA. I even wrote for a multi-millionaire’s blog about LoA, so I was well versed in it. The thing is, none of the literature at the time stressed actually doing anything. The movie sure didn’t, and I later found out that was a common criticism. Anyway, the LoA did absolutely nothing for me but give me a broken heart.
But diving into the entrepreneur mindset led to the LoA and manifesting in a whole new way. They said you have to DO instead of just navel gaze and wish for a better life. So I’ve been doing, i.e., I’ve been taking action steps towards my goals.
Well, as the Universe would have it, I got a free coaching call from one of David Neagle’s coaches a month ago. That got me fine tuning what I wanted to offer, which led to my new business website. During one of the teleseminars I listened to recently, we got to fill out a survey, and since I was one of the first 30 to respond, I got another free coaching call with a different person.
We hit it off, and she helped me as had the first coach. I couldn’t afford her services, but I knew that when I could, I would hire her. Well…she loves “connecting the dots,” and this week she referred me to someone who is in need of a copywriter. We haven’t been able to connect the past couple days cuz she’s been super busy, but I have no doubt I’ll be writing for her. In the meantime, the coach has a ton of writing work for me and wondered if I would exchange my services for her services. Would I!?! Oh heck yeah! The course I wanted to take from her costs several thousand dollars, so of course I would. I’m feeling so blessed, and she’s feeling the same! It’s so wonderful when you can connect with someone and help them out and vice versa.
Anyhoo, she’s in touch with a huge group of coaches, and she’s referring me to them. Oh my…many of those coaches may need a copywriter, marketer, and/or social media manager, too! My coach (cuz I’ll refer to her as that now since she’ll be coaching me – hehe) said I might get too busy for her. Ohhhh, no way! I’ll always have time for her.
Anyway, I have to admit to some panicky feelings cuz my dreams are on the verge of coming true. I’m going to have a lucrative career very soon, and I’m sooo excited. But I’m a bit nervous and scared since I’ve had to live very small and unnoticeable growing up so my mother wouldn’t verbally assault me. Then with the ex and having to run for our (my son and my) lives, I had to be as unnoticeable as possible. The past couple years, though, I’ve decided to no longer live in fear, but some of that ol’ gunk comes forward and that’s probably why I’ve got the heebeejeebees, but in an excited I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening kind of way. Fortunately, my coach also works on eliminating negative gunk from the past, so I’m sure I’ll need it.
Life is great!
And what’s also helping me is a free program I got from Louise Hay that I totally recommend. It’s all about gratitude and positive thinking. Wow! I’m also enrolled in a wonderful, peace and love filled course with Neale Donald Walsch. It’s a spiritual course, not religious, the latter of which would totally turn me off.
Anyway, it’s all unfolding so beautifully, and I have to catch my breath sometimes, but I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop and feeling like it’ll end. This great second half of my life is finally happening. Whoot! And all becuz I got my actions aligned with my thoughts. That, and giving monetarily to those in need. So give of yourself in whatever way you can because life will look and feel a whole lot brighter!
(By the way, someone gave us a sofa last weekend, too. Yay!)
Last week we had 8 inches of snow dumped on us. Over the weekend, we got another 8 inches. Luckily, a lot of it is melting, but more snow is on the way. Yee haw!
I found a non-religious place to start donating to. It’s called Half the Sky; they help Chinese orphans. I mean…REALLY help them, which is so cool! It’s quite a contrast to the average China orphanage. Back in the 90s, I saw a documentary called “The Dying Rooms” about Chinese orphanages. “Dying rooms?” Yes, that’s where the put the babies to starve to death. If you want to learn more, the documentary is on youtube. The last five minutes of the 4th part pretty much sums it up.
I’m so excited about Half the Sky and so glad that someone is making significant gains in giving these children love.
In other news, one of the companies I mentioned in my last post that I’m writing for is The CraftStar. The other writing gig I mentioned has turned into something at least semi-part time, so whooo hoooo!
Now on to putting the finishing touches on the next edition of Screaming Good Entrepreneurs. Have a great week, everyone!
I’m having to add more fat to my diet, which is really fun – lol! Since the severe gallbladder attack, I’ve drastically cut the amount of fat in my diet. Well…geez…if that doesn’t melt the pounds off. I lost 50 lbs in 5 months. It’s not that I was at a OM ~blimp~ G size; I’ve always weighed a lot more than I look. Dense bones, maybe? I do not know. My bones aren’t big, cuz my wrists are smaller than 6 inches around, so it must be dense bones. I hope so; that’ll help with menopause!
Anyhoo, started menopause before the gallbladder attack and officially entered it a few months ago. Well….the lack of fat in my diet really started wrecking havoc on my skin. I read that severe itchy skin is a common menopause complaint. My little mind started working and connecting the dots between estrogen and fat, so I increased the fat in my diet. I was probably having no more than 15 to 20% fat RDA in my diet, every day, for several months. Then the itchies occurred, and I’ve increased the intake to about 30 to 40% and voila…itchies went away. Yay! And I must say, it’s sooooo fun being able to eat cheese in bigger portions again…and desserts, too. ;0)
I actually weigh less than I did in high school. If I would’ve continued with the lower fat diet, I’d be below the recommended weight for my height in about a month. Probably would’ve been Demi Moore stick figure thin in about two or three months after that. I’ve never faced this problem of having to maintain weight instead of lose those few extra pounds. It’s fun! (nom, nom, nom). Anyone who follows me on Pinterest can see that the majority of my pins (like probably 90%) are recipes – lol! Yep, I’m a foodie, and the severe low fat diet was making me crave yummies all the more.
Anyhoo, in other news, my son and I (and even Sage, the dog) all recently had birthdays. We had a great time! We actually ordered pizza, and that’s quite a treat for us. In Inbredville, there was no pizza delivery anywhere within probably 100 miles, so we haven’t had it in long while. Luckily, I make great pizza, but it was fun getting some Dominos pizza (and their yummy cheesy bread) for our birthdays. I was able to eat a piece of pizza and some of that bread now that I’m having more fat. Before, I would’ve had just a half a slice and gone bonkers over the temptation of wanting another slice!
Then we had a marathon of the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica; probably watched about a dozen episodes. We started going thru the whole series before our birthdays and finished this past weekend. Wah, miss it already. Found a great montage of it with one of my favorite songs as the music.
In other news, I’ve had some one off writing gigs and did a project for one client who only needs work upon occasion. I’ve also been approached to collaborate with someone on a major project that will include lots of social media marketing. Yay! We’re in the discussion stage, so I hope it’ll transpire. I’m also doing some blog writing for … oops, I was going to put the link here, but I don’t know if I’m supposed to keep it a secret. I signed a non-disclosure agreement, but there was nothing about keeping my blog writing for them a secret. I’ll check on that, and if I can reveal it, I’ll be more than happy to. I’m excited to be part of such a promising new venture that many of you probably know about.
I’m also thrilled to have sponsored my first child from World Vision. I’m not wild about their heavy bent on proselytizing. It’s a shame that people can’t be generous and loving without trying to force their religion down the throats of the vulnerable and downtrodden. If I could’ve found a spiritual, non-sectarian organization that offers sponsoring of children, I’d have signed up for that instead. Anyway, I’m really excited about it. Even my son wants to sponsor another child, and he has no income. The sweetie has some money saved up and wanted me to send it all, but I told him to keep some of it. The child I’m sponsoring as a preteen from Albania. My heart is drawn to Eastern Europe, so that’s where I wanted the child to come from. (Although when I become am millionaire, I’m adopting a girl from China…and then maybe another from Russia). Don’t know why I love Eastern Europe and Russia so much. Sure, my ancestors came from there, but that was over 600 years ago, so I’m not sure what it is.
Anyhoo, things are been wondrous here. I still am so very happy. I wake up every day happy and go to bed at night happy. Every day here – every day – I have been happy. My son is pretty darn tootin’ happy, too!
A couple months ago, I finally got on facebook. And yes…kicking and screaming – lol! I resolved to NEVER get on facebook, but the lure of what a great marketing tool it is finally convinced me. I have to say, I love it! I still don’t know all the ins and outs of it, but I’m bound and determined to learn. After all, I’m starting my career as a social media manager, so I might as well dive in! (By the way, if you’re interested in social media, I will be sharing various tidbits on my social media fb page. Be sure to like my social media manager page to read them).
Anyhoo, on a personal level, I thought I’d look up some people on facebook. It’s a lot harder finding female friends from school on fb due to many of them no longer using their maiden names. I looked up a buddy from high school and was happy to see he was on there, though I sure didn’t recognize him from his pictures. It’s not that he looks bad, it’s just that he doesn’t look like the person I remember – something intangible. I had a crush on him briefly, but mostly I thought of him as a friend. So I tried connecting with him. He accepted my friend invitation, but no answers to my message to him about how the heck he’s doing. I emailed him and told him about how life has been treating me. I sometimes feel weird about contacting men, cuz they often think maybe I’m interested in them in more than a platonic way, so I made it very clear that I’m in MN and here is where I will always stay. (He’s in AZ). I also asked him a bunch of questions cuz he’s my old friend. I’d so love to know how he’s doing.
Instead of answering, he emailed and simply requesed that I send him a picture.
WTF!?! (Yes, I do cuss in my offline life, but I try to be polite online – lol)!
This occurred probably a month ago, and still no word from him. Guess he didn’t like my profile picture and felt that I didn’t measure up to his standards as a friend. (Hmmm…I don’t think his other friends on fb had to “audition” for his friendship with a picture).
I really don’t care what his opinion is of what I look like. That’s not what bothered me. I think I’m adorable, but not in an egotistic kind of way, but in a “I’m comfortable in my own skin” kind of way. What bothered me is that he’s not the person I remember. Just the fact that he asked that question in the first place before he would even interact with me is just…creepy. I wonder how he would feel if men viewed his daughter the way he views women. I miss my friend; it’s too bad he’s not around anymore.
As to family on facebook, I found my cousin that I mentioned in my post about Christmas Without Family. I babysat her for awhile when I lived in AZ. She used to adore me, but apparently not any longer. No word from her either, and it’s been several weeks. My family is icky…there’s just no two ways about it. Well…I should clarify and say my mother’s side of the family is icky. I keep in touch with my father’s side of the family, and they’ve been really sweet. I still haven’t met any of them. Hopefully this summer I can meet my aunt and uncle. My uncle lives in WI and told my aunt it’s only a 5 or 6 hour trip from where I live. My aunt (who lives in GA) is going to visit WI this summer, so it’d be sooooo cool to finally meet them. I can’t wait!
In other news, my pores are oozing entrepreneur and social media tips. I spend hours each day listening to webinars, and I think I’m about ready to gorge from so much information overload. Now, I just kinda sit and listen to the webinars and do other stuff…like typing this post right now! Fortunately, I’ll be letting some of that knowledge out by sharing some great resources in my Screaming Good Entrepreneurs (aka SGE – working title right now) ezine that will be out Feb. 1st. It’ll be a bi-monthly ezine (or izine as I call it, since it’s an inbox magazine). I’ll give the details soon on where to sign up for it. Even though the articles are often geared towards non-artisan entrepreneurs, many of the tips they give will help any business person, no matter what niche s/he is in.
I’m also starting an izine for the local area here – called the Iron Range of Minnesota. It incorporates over a quarter million people, so I’ll definitely have an audience. That issue isn’t ready yet, as people around here are a bit shy in wanting to be interviewed. The SGE is ready, though. Just gotta format it in aweber. Ah…to learn all that techy stuff…ugh! At least my son loves learning that stuff, so he can by my tech guy.
Oh, and I got my first social media job. It’s just a one off, but perhaps she’ll need help in the future. I helped her with SEO and figuring out all her keywords that she’ll need for her blog. Thanks to the classes I’ve been taking, I didn’t shortchange myself and charge a lower rate. What I deliver is top rate, so I might as well price accordingly, n’est ce pas?
Sometimes I look out my window at the beauty here and I get so emotional. Having subsisted for so long in Inbredville, I forgot what it was like to be alive. We are so happy here! We also walk around a lot in this city – weather permitting. Some days we even walk about five miles. When we go to get groceries, that’s usually a 2.5 mile walk.
Thanks to all of you who commented and emailed regarding my Christmas Without Family. I know next year is going to be surrounded by friends, though this year I was surrounded by my virtual friends. Thank you! Next year, my house will at least be in shape enough to invite others over.
Speaking of getting the house more and more in shape, I splurged and bought a compact refrigerator. I figured that I probably had that mild case of food poisoning due to no frig. It dawned on me food that is frozen, thawed, frozen, and thawed again gets hinky, especially if it’s a meat product, so with the new found higher credit level on my credit card, I purchased one. No sense in risking getting sick again. The thing is, some of the food is still frozen from last week’s single digit temps. Even the pickles are frozen still, and we’ve had four days near 40 degrees. Having a frig is soooo delightful, even if it’s a wee small one. I went ahead and purchased one of those mini frigs that have no freezer, so we have more space for regular food.
I’ve also signed up for an online class to be a social media manager. It’s something I’ve been wanting to learn for awhile, so I’m really excited about it. Hopefully I can get some clients soon. Plus, it’s great knowledge to have to promote my own stuff, though I have a block when it comes to marketing my own self. I’ve found other people have a similar block. What is it they say…painters are the ones who have houses that need painting?
I’ll also be starting a FREE online ezine soon geared towards entrepreneurs. It will be different from my previous attempt at an ezine in that it will include articles from kicka$$ world class entrepreneurs who are more than happy to share their info, so I’ll have plenty of content to choose from. These are movers and shakers that I’ve had the wonderful experience of listening to these past couple months from various webinars and teleseminars. Anyway, I won’t have to worry if I’ll have contributors for the next issue because these people have articles already written and ready to share. Plus, this ezine will be different in that it’s delivered via email and won’t be available online until months later, so it will have a target audience – those who are ready to stop dreaming and start doing. For those who are already doing, they’ll learn some great tips from the “Who’s Who” of entrepreneurs. After all, no one is ever an expert; we should always be learning.
Yeppers, I’ve made some New Year’s goals. I like the word “goals” as opposed to “resolutions.” Dunno why.
One of my goals is to write down something I’m grateful for every day. I’ve seen this suggestion from Craig Ballantyne, in Video 3 of A New American Dream and Fabienne Fredrickson. They both also touch on making long term goals, such as 3, 5, or even 10 year goals. I like the 3 year plan, since it’s not so far away; anything more seems too distant to plan for.
In Craig’s video, he discussed making a list of your top 5 priorities for the day and don’t do anything else until those five priorities are done! Oh boy, do I ever need that! I tend to get easily distracted, so I started that tip today. I’m happy to say I’ve done the top five today, despite it being one of those days where you feel like you didn’t accomplish anything.
As to a gratitude journal, you need to ask yourself the following questions: What am I grateful for for today? What opportunities did I have today? What did I accomplish today? What do I have planned tomorrow? Who do I appreciate? I was going to do this exercise on my blog, but some of those questions can be very personal. I will, however, share some things that I’m grateful for on a regular basis.
Today, I’m grateful for finding out my credit limit was raised by a LOT on a credit card I have. That shocked me. Noooo, I’m not going to go hog wild. As much as I dearly want and need a refrigerator, I don’t want to charge it. My health is suffering from not having a frig, despite it being freezing outside. It’s just that some items I need (like kefir and apple cider vinegar) need a stable temp. Well…maybe not the apple cider vinegar, but I don’t want a glass bottle getting frozen. I do have a cooler, but on days like today (below zero) even things in the cooler got slightly frozen. At any rate, I’m grateful to know that I do have a line of credit just in case we need to use it to pay for heating oil. (I have to admit to turning the thermostat up to 64 today just cuz I hate it being so cold in here, and my joints tend to ache if it’s too cold).
I’m also grateful for the huge freelance writing job that popped up unexpectedly during the weekend. It’s not a regular gig, but when this guy does pop in with a job, it’s usually a biggie.
I’m grateful that we’re all healthy right now! Poor Tessa, the pup, got sick on Christmas day, and her “runs” lasted for almost a week. Fortunately, I have a great book that I use for making dog food that also has health tips – Dr. Pitcairn’s New Complete Guide to Natural Health for Dogs and Cats. I used Charcoal (Activated) 260 mg-4 grains-100-Rapid Release Capsules – per Dr. Pitcairn’s suggestions – and it helped a LOT.
Fortunately, I had some on hand, and I also needed to use it myself over New Year’s Eve. Ate some bad pepperoni. It tasted really off, so I didn’t eat much of it, but I had a feeling I was in for some food poisoning. I knew that drinking green tea helps with food poisoning, so I had that, and then I took some of the activated charcoal. There was that old familiar feeling of food poisoning several hours later, but it was an extremely mild, mild case of it – as in no running to the toilet, just a tummy feeling I know to be food poisoning. So whew…I’m glad I had that activated charcoal. I think it’s my new best friend – lol!
And yes, I do have a couple affiliate links above. I’ll only promote things I like, and the book and the activated charcoal are “da bomb!” I use Puritan’s Pride almost exclusively for all my vitamins and supplements and have been ordering from them for…geez…20 years or so? (Wow, am I that old…!?! Where DOES the time fly?)
Oh, and one more thing I want to share that I’m grateful for…I have some very concise business goals that I’ll be putting into motion this month, and I’m sooooo excited! I finally found what I want to do; I’ll share more about it later.
Christmas has always been a somewhat difficult time of year for me. I LOVE all the decorations and the sentiments of fellowship, but ever since I can remember, my Christmases were tinged with a bit of sadness. Why? Because I didn’t have a happy family. Media would portray smiling families and good times, things I never experienced, which made a longing in my heart. I was bound and determined that, when I grew up, I’d be part of a big and loving family. Well…it never happened.
My family is so incredibly fractured that I really have no family. Yes, I have my dear son, and I’m so blessed that we get along famously, but during the holidays, it’d be so nice to celebrate with a family and for him to know what that’s like. For the longest time, I did make a family wherever I went because friends can very much be your family. Unfortunately, when we moved to Inbredville, there really wasn’t much in the way of friends there. We spent some holidays with a family but due to their ill health, the get-togethers stopped.
So we come to this year, and we’ve just moved to a new city. We haven’t had time to make friends, though the neighbors next door said something about inviting us over for Christmas. We’ll see if that transpires. I don’t mean to sound negative, but my family of origin taught me that talk is easy and very different from actually doing.
As to my family…hmmm…very fractured, as I mentioned above. I had a mother who always threatened to tell my dangerous ex-husband where I lived if I didn’t kiss her butt and constantly give her the attention that she demanded. So when I moved away from Inbredville, ND, the first time in 2006, I wrote her a letter stating the reasons why I didn’t feel safe keeping in contact with her any longer. Her reaction was telling…
She called my ex-fiance (not the crazy ex-husband) with the usual wailing and gnashing of teeth that a drama queen such as herself does. Instead of emailing me (I hadn’t changed my email address), she told my ex-fiance that she’s going to file a missing person’s report on my son. Fortunately, the ex-fiance is an attorney, so he knew she couldn’t do such a thing. He told her that my son isn’t a missing person just cuz she didn’t know where he was. Then she tried a different tactic. She wanted to get me committed into a mental institution cuz clearly I was insane! Why on earth wouldn’t I want to keep in contact with her?! How certifiably insane!
Then she tried to get me arrested because I left a southern state and surely the divorce decree stated I couldn’t leave the state. Um…if that were the case, then she’d be an accessory since she helped me move. At the time, I called my divorce attorney just in case. Fortuitously, she was just clearing out her old files (the divorce was about ten years prior to this time), so she was familiar with the case. She laughed and said I could move anywhere I wanted to. I have sole legal custody, and my ex-husband had no rights of visitation. In fact, he had a permanent restraining order against him from going anywhere near our home or my place of business.
(As an aside, there was a distinct incident where my mother clearly and maliciously endangered my life and my son’s by divulging safety information to my ex-husband, but that’s a bit of a long story, so I won’t bore you with the details).
Anyhoo, her reaction pretty much sums up what kind of person she is. If I had a falling out with my son, I wouldn’t try to get him arrested or committed to an insane asylum. I have to say, it’s been marvelous having cut off contact with her these past few years. No more having to fake being pleasant to her for fear that she’ll tell my ex-husband where I’m at. No more having to think she’s just the greatest and to give her the constant attention that she demanded. No more passing her toxicity onto my son. He doesn’t need that crap in his life.
Unfortunately, her side of the family was always distant. I had a cousin who was pregnant with twins – a cousin I babysat – but I wasn’t “officially” told of the pregnancy. Dunno why. Supposedly I still don’t know, and I think they’re a few years old now – lol! I had another cousin who had four boys, and whenever they got married, I wasn’t given an invite cuz I was a welfare mom at the time, and well…you know those welfare people just can’t afford presents so we don’t want Tracy to feel bad about the wedding and having to get a gift. Gee, not getting an invitation is a real good way of not making me feel bad – lolol!
Then there’s my father’s side. Welllllll…I was filled with so many lies about my dad from my mother, but I suppose that’s to be expected from a narcissistic drama queen. I finally looked him up about eleven years ago. I wasn’t prepared for the outpouring of love and then guilt for not keeping in contact with me. Unfortunately, in those eleven years, I’ve received one b-day card, one Christmas card, and maybe three or four phone calls. You can imagine my surprise when I received a letter from him yesterday. It was really nice, and he actually sent a little bit of money. Here I was feeling kinda sad thinking that this was the first Christmas ever that my son or I didn’t get anything for Christmas, but because of his timely letter, we did. I also called him and we had a lovely chat. Still, his guilt keeps him from staying in contact with me. (I also have a half sister, whom I’ve never met, but my father has lost contact with her, so I don’t know where she is. Still haven’t met my father or his side of the family yet, though I do email his sister frequently).
Anyway, he was always very nice about my mother and didn’t say anything bad about her until I started telling him about the treatment I had from her growing up and in my adulthood. (She definitely was a monster to me as a kid). He then started saying a little bit here and there, but he always tried to be a gentleman about it. I really appreciated that. Anyway, I believed him cuz I had experienced some of the same manipulations as he had from my mother.
Sooooo, I guess this is a roundabout way of saying…Christmas is kinda difficult for those of us who don’t have a good family to spend the holidays with. On the other hand, it’s better to be just my son and me than to be in a room full of hateful and dysfunctional people and seeing the abuse that goes on. I vividly remember one Christmas where the step-sisters of my cousin (my mother’s brother’s son – not the cousins I mentioned above) spat in his plate a few times. He got understandably got upset, but the usual mantra in the family is to “Shut up. Don’t rock the boat” when something bad happens. His father (my uncle) said to quit belly aching and just wipe the plate off. I think my cousin cried, but he did as he was told.
I remember always trying to stick up for my cousin (he’s two years older than me) and told him that I was on his side, but he’d always push me away and get mad at me. I guess it was because he was starting to believe the crap that his family told him, whereas I always tried to fight it. I was NOT going to be the worthless-good-for-nothing-should’ve-never-been-born loser that my mother and grandmother tried to drill into my head. Finally, at the age of 30 (waaaay back in the 1990s), I started to really like myself. Don’t know how that happened with all that negative conditioning, but I survived. I still wish I had a family, though – but a decent one!
So for those of you who have a sucky family, what do you do to get through the holidays? And how do you deal with people who think you should still stay in touch with your family and that you should think your family is just swell cuz they’re “family”?
Goodness, I can’t believe it’s autumn already. Certainly the weather has been autumn like around here for about ten days. The past couple days we’ve been in the high 80s, though.
Last week, since we had freezing temps, I decided to pick some apples. I really picked too many as I now have to hurry up and use them in recipes, so you’ll be seeing a lot of apple recipes in the near future. Luckily the dogs love the apples, so I give them one (cut up, of course) as a snack. I used to use the dehydrator and dehydrate the apples non-stop for weeks, but I don’t feel like getting the dehydrator out. Plus, the yield this year isn’t very much.
There’s over a hundred apples in that basket. The first year I was here, I got about a hundred every time I went out picking. And I picked every couple days! At that time, there were three trees yielding an abundance, but for the past couple years, it’s only been one tree, and not as much as it used to.
I apologize for missing Followers Friday yesterday. I will try to get to it next week. My shoulder has been acting up, and copying and pasting urls and profiles hurts. Typing doesn’t, so you got me typing for now. My back is also acting up big time. It hasn’t hurt like this in about a year. I probably should get it x-rayed again sometime soon, but – hahaha – I don’t have a car, so how would I do that!?! I have a birth defect in my lower back where the spurs that had grown on a couple of the lumbar vertebrae (the lowest pair is mashed into my pelvis bone) have calcified and is creating one big mass. It makes for a lot of pain and stiffness. Feels like cement is poured in there right now with the tissue around my tail bone swelling to the size of a soft ball. I hate when my back gets like this. It’ll pass…I hope!
Still trying to sell my house. There are so many people interested, but they don’t have the financing to be able to purchase it. I wish I could just rent it out or sell it on contract. I’d make a killing in renting it out year after year during this supposed 20 year oil boom, but I need the moula to move. I’ve had my down moments, but I’m not depressed like I was before. Still…it cuts to the quick as the days pass and we’re still stuck here in Inbredville. Yahoo hayseed was driving his big water truck and stopped my son and I when we were walking on a county highway. He wanted to keep talking, and I kept trying to walk away. Jerk. I was hoping to never see or hear from him again. Felt like having to take a shower after seeing him again – lol! (Question: Do dumb people really know how dumb they are…or are they too dumb to know it?)
I’ll try to start visiting blogs like I used to. I like to try to comment on those who have commented on my blog, so I’ll eventually get around to it. I’ve also missed emailing my dear friends, and I hope to do that again soon.
If any of you who have an online store would like to be interviewed for my interview series, just let me know.
The past couple weeks have been very difficult for me. Luckily, I’ve had the posts of the interviews and recipes scheduled weeks ago, so they went on as scheduled. I still kept up with linking the giveaways to various link parties because I promised the artisans whom I interviewed that I would do that. Unfortunately, I missed yesterday’s Followers Friday because the sadness still lingered and I just couldn’t gear myself up to do it. I’ll resume Followers Friday next Friday.
It’s been a roller coaster ride with the yahoo hayseed who said he was going to buy my house. He breezes in, says he wants it and promises that he has his home equity loan already approved. He has a home in Idaho, but he’s working here in the oil patch. After viewing my home, he wanted to see the bar/restaurant my former friend (more on that in a bit) and I own together. This restaurant is quickly falling apart, and I don’t feel it’s safe any longer to walk in. The floors are literally falling into the crawl space, which ranges from two to six feet deep. (Remember this point…it’s important later on).
My former friend…let me call him the “crazed nutter”…kept trying to talk the yahoo hayseed out of buying my home. Yep, you read that right. Why would a friend do that? Mm, maybe cuz he’s certifiably insane!?! Dunno. Anyway, crazed nutter mentioned to the yahoo hayseed that he had a lot for sale and that the yahoo hayseed could put a mobile home on it. He’d sell him the lot for real cheap, so he wouldn’t have to pay significantly more for my house. All this while my son and I were standing there. The hayseed said he already priced mobile homes that day, and they just cost too much, esp. since they’re not as solid as a home and don’t have a basement. Crazed nutter then tried a different tactic and said he knew of someone who could sell him a mobile home real cheap and he could then buy crazed nutter’s lot. Yahoo hayseed still said he wanted me house. Crazed nutter tried again, but the hayseed remained unmoved.
Well, you can imagine that I was none too thrilled with my former friend, the crazed nutter. This is the man I’ve mentioned previously in my posts about the inbreds here and the illegal and unethical things they’re doing in this town. The mayor and her cronies formed a mob mentality and got the crazed nutter fired from the city maintenance position so that the mayor’s grandson could be hired. The town then went totally downhill (if that was possible – lol), with the mayor’s g’son doing nothing but making the trek into town to pick up his check. City property wasn’t mowed; the water and sewer weren’t maintained correctly (raw sewage was bubbling out of a manhole for days a couple months ago); a banned pesticide was sprayed all over town with the result of 95% of the cats dying and many of the dogs getting sick last summer; and the streets weren’t plowed of snow. Sure, the crazed nutter did some things to alienate a lot of people, but at least he did his job. (Even despite having his kittens run over in front of his eyes as another form of the mob mentality to terrorize him in to quitting).
I stood up for this crazed nutter and his family because I saw with my own eyes the things the inbreds were doing to him, his family, and the town. I thought the crazed nutter was my and my son’s friend as well, but I was wrong.
Yep, in the past two weeks I lost a buyer of my home and a friend. It’s been difficult. I’ve also lost hope.
Anyway, pack to the yahoo hayseed. This idiot – the thought of him makes my skin crawl – called me up and asked me out the day after he said he’d purchase my home. He couldn’t get me out of his mind, blahblah, special, blahblah, wonderful smile, blahblah, you’re the real deal blahblah. Um…what part of “I’m moving” didn’t the yahoo hayseed understand? But I’ve dealt with guys like this many a time before. They live in their own make believe world and project their vision of you onto you, so you’re no longer real. They make up meanings to what you say so it jives with what they think in their little fantasy world.
This hayseed would call me five or six times a day just to chat…as if I wanted to chat with him. Yuck, but I was polite cuz…you know…I wanted to get the hell out of Inbredville. One night after he was chatting with me (I mainly just said “uh huh” and “oh” to his incessantly boring conversation about himself), he called me back five minutes later – literally – to tell me that he shaved off his beard. Um…do I care? But in his little mind, I did, so whatever. He’d also tell me how he hasn’t been in jail, how he respects women, etc. Any guy you’ve just met telling you things like that has something wrong with him. Why would someone start spouting off stuff like that? It’s none of my business. Plus, it’s just too much of a sales pitch, so you know something’s gotta be wrong with him – well…more than what I already saw – lol!
He would also call me at around 10:00 pm, and I really feel that’s a huge social faux pas. If you don’t know what time a person goes to bed – and I never told him – then you just shouldn’t call anyone past 9 pm. That’s just my own personal foible, but it ticked me off. Then he’d call me just to tell me that he moved his travel trailer a block away, so just in case I was looking for him, he hadn’t disappeared. (No, loser, I wasn’t looking for you, mmkay?) One time he called, and I said I was heading out the door. He kept pestering me as to where I was going, but I wouldn’t tell him. Idiot…like I owed him something?
Every time he called, he’d ask me out. Every time he called, he’d invite me to his travel trailer alone – without my son. Almost every time he called, he had to mention about his king sized bed that he missed and couldn’t wait to move in to my house. When a guy I’ve just met starts talking about his bed, I always consider that creepy.
Then he’d talk about wanting to hug me all the time, and he’d do this hilarious (though he probably thought it was endearing or sexy, I dunno) “Grrrrrr grrrrrr” as if he was giving me a bear hug. OMG, he made me want to laugh and puke at the same time whenever he did that.
He was also one of those yahoo hayseeds that talks really loud, so one time my son was standing around when the idiot called, and I just put the phone slightly away from my ear, and my son and I could both silently laugh at this guy’s foolish attempts at being impressive and attractive to me. (There’s nothing impressive about having to spell out to a guy how to spell “seventy” on his check, and he still misspelled it. He gave me an earnest money check, but because I didn’t have him sign anything saying it wasn’t refundable, I had to give it back).
So after awhile, he tells me that his loan needs more verifying, even though he told me that he was verified for a loan. He had to go through a few steps, and then the last that I heard was that his employment had to be verified. He was a little nervous, cuz he had just started a new job (literally a couple days previously), and he didn’t leave on good terms with his former boss. He called his former boss, hoping that the boss would lie and tell the bank that the yahoo hayseed was still working there; thus, committing mortgage fraud in my opinion, but I digress.
Yahoo hayseed wanted to look at the bar/restaurant again with his bff who…low and behold happens to be the mayor’s son in law! Wellllll…I knew right then and there I wouldn’t be selling my house to the hayseed cuz the son in law would definitely be making sure of that. (Oh, and by the way, when the hayseed had to meet with the mayor about renting a space at the campgrounds, the mayor had to inform him about how she doesn’t like me and that I wrote a letter about her – lolol! Yeah, it was my “infamous” eight page letter of resignation to the city council that I cc’d to various North Dakota gov’t agencies about what I felt were the unethical and illegal activities that were going on in this town. Yep, the repeat offender jail time serving child molester was part of the mayor’s mob to get the crazed nutter out of the city position to get the mayor’s grandson in, and even he eventually saw the truth about the town. The child rapist even posted signs in the town saying that my “infamous” letter is apparently true…but I digress).
Anyway, that pretty much shows you what kind of mayor the town has. If you met the mayor for the first time in a town you were thinking of moving in to, and she starts spewing a bunch of negative stuff about the person you’re buying a house from, it would show the mayor to be unethical, or very immature and unprofessional, at best. It would certainly show more of what kind of person the mayor is than the person you’re buying the house from.
Anyhoo, yahoo hayseed shows up with the mayor’s SIL to look at the bar, and they both agreed it needed too much work for the yahoo’s budget and time. That was understandable, so I didn’t feel bad about it, but it did make me uneasy that the mayor’s SIL was in our restaurant. Afterward, though, the mayor’s SIL was showing the yahoo hayseed houses for sale all around the area in hopes that the yahoo hayseed wouldn’t buy mine. I didn’t know this, but the yahoo had to tell me in one of his many many many many waaaaaayyyy toooooooo many calls to me. So that made me wonder if this house thing was going to happen.
Soooo, now we come to when the yahoo hayseed was trying to commit mortgage fraud by having his former boss lie about still working there. He wants to see the house again, but this time with the mayor’s SIL inspecting it. Well, I should’ve said no, since I really don’t want any known inbred mutant in my house, but I was desperate to sell this place and get out of this penal colony cesspool, so I reluctantly agreed.
Well…of course it didn’t pass this guy’s inspection. The way he talked it up, the house was going to fall in at any minute…surprised we were still alive and not in a hole down in the basement or falling all the way to China. The garage must have a bat infestation, since he saw mouse poop in the garage on a shelf – lol! My son looked in the rafters, and there was not even so much as a bird’s nest up there, let alone a bat nest or whatever they have. After hearing the mayor’s SIL going on and on about the foundation, yahoo hayseed then said three time…THREE TIMES…that my house was exactly like the restaurant’s floor, and that he didn’t even feel safe in stepping foot in it anymore! This, after having seen it a few days previously and commenting that the floors didn’t creak like other older homes do and that it must be solidly built. Another person came to see the house after yahoo hayseed, and he has built homes before, and he liked the looks of the basement. I also looked at the basement of an architect, builder, and building code inspector here in town this week, and his basement’s foundation is cracked all over, with the cement walls bulging. If he thinks his house is safe (and he does), then my house is super safe cuz it looks much better.
Soooo…I believe it all boils down to the guy just didn’t get his loan, got ticked that I wouldn’t coo about his king sized bed and go out with him, and/or the mayor’s doing of making sure I don’t get the kind of money out of my house that I want.
The yahoo hayseed reneged last Thursday, and last weekend was very bad for me. I hadn’t been that depressed in years.
And all the while this was going on, the crazed nutter was screwing me over.
Backing up a bit, a couple years ago, the crazed nutter was going to give me one of his many junker cars. It was a mini-van and needed some work. I asked if I could keep it in his backyard, which is more private than mine, while I saved up to get it repaired. Sure, no problem. Then the next I hear, he gets a crush on one of the guys who moves in to town who isn’t acting all inbred, and he becomes obsessed with him. Whether it’s a homo thing or not, I don’t know, but he does seem to become fixated on certain men if they’re open to his conspiracy theories. So the next I hear, he’s given the mini van to this new guy in town, despite the fact that the new guy has a couple trucks already and makes thousands of dollars a month in construction. Sigh…okay…whatever. Very disappointing, but maybe he misunderstood me…though I highly doubt it, cuz of the way he sheepishly told me he gave the van to the other guy.
Over the course of the couple years that I owned the restaurant with him and his wife, we could never afford to open it cuz it needed too many repairs. We were always going to get it repaired when we both got our income tax refunds, and I always verbally agreed on an amount of what I could afford to put in. He said they could match it. This went on for two years, and nothing happened. He never asked for the money, cuz he never worked on it. He had a vehicle; I didn’t, so I couldn’t purchase any supplies.
So the restaurant/bar just sat there. It became a storage place for the crazed nutter because he’s never met a piece of trash that he didn’t love, so he keeps everything. He has buildings and lots full of junk; sometimes you can’t even walk in them, they’re crammed full of stuff. So the bar became another one of his stuffed full places. (Hmmmm…maybe too much weight on the floors and the resultant caving in?) He and his wife would take things from the bar – high dollar things – to replace things they needed – like a frig/freezer and an a/c window unit. I didn’t worry too much about being reimbursed cuz the crazed nutter said he’d give me another one of his many treadle sewing machines.
Then I had to pay his share of the property taxes earlier this year. Mm, well…okay, maybe I can get two treadle sewing machines – lol! Or at least some other piece of furniture that I wanted in the restaurant. I had my eye on a counter/cabinet. But alas, it didn’t transpire cuz the crazed nutter found another BFF to get obsessed about.
This guy comes breezing in from New England and wants to buy up the town. He saw my house after the yahoo hayseed, and then wanted to see the restaurant. I had to get the crazed nutter to go with us, cuz he’s part owner. Well, the crazed nutter becomes smitten with this guy cuz the guy is talking about buying up the town and hanging people and on and on. Just really weird stuff, so they’re like two peas in a pod. (Oh, and the crazed nutter said that the New England guy is immortal and that he, the crazed nutter, is being taken apart and reassembled in his sleep by aliens. Bahahahahahahaha! Now you know why I’ve called him “crazed nutter.” He’s getting loonier by the day).
So anyhoo, crazed nutter and the immortal NE guy are spending loads of time together. I get a call from crazed nutter saying that I’ll probably be mad but that he’s going to give the sewing machines to his divine immortal BFF. He used the reasoning as it would grease the wheels and the immortal guy would then probably buy the restaurant. Yet in the next breath, he said he needed gas money the next day cuz he had to drive to Minot, and the guy was there to buy the sewing machines. (It’s now over a week later, and the sewing machines are in the bar/restaurant, and there’s been no offer on the property from Mr. Immortal).
Well…I found out a few hours after the phone call from crazed nutter that my friend was waiting in front of the bar for him to show up and sell her the sewing machines. Before she made the 60 mile trek to Inbredville with her husband, she called the crazed nutter to make sure he still wanted to sell her the sewing machines. He said yes, and they agreed upon a time. Then my friend and her husband wait and wait…no crazed nutter. So she calls him, and he answers and said his wife wants to keep the sewing machines. Yet it was around this time he tells me he’s giving them to Mr. Immortal if he buys the bar…oh but then…no, no…another story…he needed gas money for the next day and Mr. Immortal gave him money for the sewing machines. There was my friend…waiting to purchase the sewing machines, with cash in hand. And it wasn’t like she was just going there to look at them and maybe not buy them. She had seen them before, and had told crazed nutter she was coming to purchase them, and perhaps other things we wanted to sell in the bar.
Sooooo…if you’re still with me thus far, you’re a brave soul – lol!
When this happened, I knew I needed to ditch the bar and property. I didn’t want to be liable for anyone falling in and getting hurt. Crazed nutter often left the door unlocked to the bar, or left the door standing wide open for days. And since he wanted to keep showing it around to anyone who wanted to see, and since he and his beloved Mr. Immortal wanted to hang out in there, I had to get myself legally away from it asap. So I had to draw up some paperwork and get that done. I can tell ya, I was nervous until it was finally recorded at the courthouse. I have a home to lose; crazed nutter just has trash to lose should anyone get hurt.
I had to give up two of the lots cuz the building spans two lots, but I was able to keep two of them. Unfortunately, I co-own them with the crazed nutter, but at least I don’t have to worry about anybody falling through any floors. Now I have to worry about trying to get the crazed nutter to remove his junk cars from the lots we co-own so that they can be mowed. The city just passed an ordinance that properties need to be mowed, or we’ll be charged an obscene amount of mowing fee. (Funny how the city guy can’t even keep up mowing the city lots, but I digress). If we don’t pay, they’ll be charged to our property taxes, and you know I’ll be paying those; crazed nutter won’t. So I gotta do battle with him on that front, and I have no idea if I have any legal rights when it comes to that. And good grief, I ain’t gonna pay a lawyer to find out. I had to cough up $600 for a lawyer to draw up a purchase agreement, thinking yahoo hayseed was telling the truth about having a pre-approved mortgage.
So I was out a lot of money, a lot of hope, and I lost a friend.
It’s been very rough.
As I said, last weekend was horrific for me emotionally. I’d cry a lot throughout the days…stuck here…will we ever escape? I don’t know.
Then I had a couple good days, trying to look on the bright side. And hey, let’s face it…hell is a very bright place, what with all the fire and brimstone – lol!
And yes, I realize there are worst places: many parts of Detroit…Baghdad, Auschwitz. Of course, there’s always some place worst…always. But when you’re deep in depression, with the swamp of doom surrounding you and you can see no way out, it really doesn’t help to know that. Fortunately, Michelle just let me vent to her in an email, instead of getting all preachy like some rose colored glasses people. Just zippity doo dah, it’s a great day. Bugger off, it ain’t! Those kind of people I can do without because they’re the “fashionably sensitive, too cool to care” kind of people you DON’T want around you when you’re depressed. They only make you feel worse because they refuse to really listen to your pain. Anyway, Michelle emailed at just the right time, and I let it out with her. I still want to cry. In fact, I’m getting misty eyed right now. I want to go home (back to MN). I don’t want to stay here another day. Why do I have to? Why?
And yes, this town is bad. I had one person email me and said surely it isn’t. Oh ignorant, insensitive fool, it is. It’s the kind of town where, even if you’re in your 70s, they’ll bang on your door at night to beat you up because you’re an “outsider.” This, despite the wife of the guy whom the inbreds were gonna beat up being the BFF of someone born and bred here. So this is how they treat the non-inbreds here, and this is why I want to leave. It is no place for my son to grow up. He has no future here. Is it any wonder he doesn’t think too highly of humans anymore?
Mindie from Bacon Time with the Hungry Hypo gave me a blog award!!
Here are the rules for the award:
1. Copy the award image into a post.
2. List 10 things that make you happy.
3. Tag 10 bloggers who brighten your day.
4. Put in a link to their blogs.
5. Notify the award receivers.
6. Recipients should link back to the sender’s blog.
Here are ten things that make me happy:
1). My son
2). My puppy, Tessa
3). My sweet dog, Sage
4). Walking in nature
5). Weather that’s between 40 to 70 degrees F
6). Two bites of mousse (cuz I’m only allowing myself two bites of anything with high fat content due to the gallbladder attack, but oh those two bites are INCREDIBLE)!
7). Watching tennis
8). The thought of moving from Deliverance-ville
9). Creating something – usually involving paint
10). Watching something good on Netflix
Ten bloggers who brighten my day are:
1). Deb from Paxton Valley Folk Art
2). Michelle from Michelle’s Bears
3). Vicki from Custom Teddys
4). Cindy Adkins of Whimsical Musings
5). Diane from Lavender Dreams Too
6). Nancy Maxwell James from Sugar Lump Studios
7). Cynthia from Cynthia Lee Designs
8). Rita May of May Days
9). Carol from The Polka Dot Closet
10). BJ from Sweet Nothings